I am going to toolize the only General Practicioner that I respect in our community for her doppler today because-for the first time in a pregnancy-I was spotting and it made me lose my mind. She didn’t use the doppler. Instead she used the speculum to just look at my cervix which was closed with no blood around it! YAY!

I didn’t sleep at all last night and I am terrified. I have a little peace if I do miscarry, because I dreamed it shortly after Zoe was born that I got pg, birthed a dead babe and then got pg and birthed a healthy live one. Despite the preparation, I am still freaked out completely and lost it a few times last night. Should worse come to worse, I will labor this loss and have it at home, just as we would a healthy babe.

I have heard that third pregnancies are the wacky ones, so who knows, maybe this is just that, as I don’t have any other symptoms of loss. (this is something she mentioned as well!)

I will keep you updated, but I just wanted to ask that you send some positive energies this way and envision this babe held on tight in my uterus and staying healthy and safe. (thus far we are confident that Sprout is fine. before checking my cervix, blood was drawn and they will test hormone levels just to be on the safe side. Dr. Malling is confident, though, with my cervix closed, that all is fine and it was probably some extra implantation blood. Baby is holding on tight!)

Thanks.

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