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My breasts are fuller than normal. There is extra milk and Zoe is drowning when she latches on. I cry when she latches on-not because it hurts, because, let’s face it, I am a nursing pro by now; but because there is no extra babe to take in the milk meant to feed him.

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Thank you everyone, for your blessings and well wishes. It’s been an incredibly difficult few days.

We had a burial last night in our Sacred Place. We named the baby Rune Dustin and I will have a complete story at some point, when I can see well enough to write. It helps me to write. it always has. Rob and I are both suffering terribly as this babe was so wanted and planned for. We have given him up to the Goddess, though and she will mother him while I can’t.

Here is a photo of our altar from last night. We all definitely felt the generations with us while we mourned and buried our sweet babe.

Rune is in the sugar jar. It’s pretty old one I found with an incomplete set from Japan. Rob is chiseling a stone with his name on it as a marker.

Thanks again for all of your blessings, here, via email, telephone calls from those who know us in real life and the few of you across the internet. They mean a lot more than you can know.

Native American Prayer 

I give you this one thought to keep- 
I am with you still – I do not sleep. 

I am a thousand winds that blow, 
I am the diamond glints on snow, 
I am the sunlight on ripened grain, 
I am the gentle autumn rain. 

When you awaken in the mornings hush, 
I am the swift, uplifting rush 
Of quiet birds in circled flight. 

I am the soft stars that shine at night. 
Do not think of me as gone- 
I am with you still—in each new dawn.

~~~~~~~


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Though we don’t know from science, we know because of dreams that this babe was a boy. We ahve chosen to call him Rune Dustin. He was with us for only a few weeks but he has impacted our lives forever.

Our babe is in Summerland, waiting for his next time here. The angel above seemed to fit because he will send us his and the girls’ baby sister.

Thanks again for all of your love.

Rob, Tasha and girls.

This is it for now. I am turning the computer off for a few days.

I will be away for a few days.

Thanks for your love and support. I will give you details when I feel I can. Every baby has a birth story and this one does too.

I am going to toolize the only General Practicioner that I respect in our community for her doppler today because-for the first time in a pregnancy-I was spotting and it made me lose my mind. She didn’t use the doppler. Instead she used the speculum to just look at my cervix which was closed with no blood around it! YAY!

I didn’t sleep at all last night and I am terrified. I have a little peace if I do miscarry, because I dreamed it shortly after Zoe was born that I got pg, birthed a dead babe and then got pg and birthed a healthy live one. Despite the preparation, I am still freaked out completely and lost it a few times last night. Should worse come to worse, I will labor this loss and have it at home, just as we would a healthy babe.

I have heard that third pregnancies are the wacky ones, so who knows, maybe this is just that, as I don’t have any other symptoms of loss. (this is something she mentioned as well!)

I will keep you updated, but I just wanted to ask that you send some positive energies this way and envision this babe held on tight in my uterus and staying healthy and safe. (thus far we are confident that Sprout is fine. before checking my cervix, blood was drawn and they will test hormone levels just to be on the safe side. Dr. Malling is confident, though, with my cervix closed, that all is fine and it was probably some extra implantation blood. Baby is holding on tight!)

Thanks.